Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Never enough

Never good enough: Do you ever feel inadequate? That no matter what you do, it is never good enough? Someone is always disappointed in you? And you let yourself down yet again? I'm having one of those weeks. Every task I try to start (or even finish) feels like it will take forever and there is always something more important that needs to get done. Responsibilities keep piling up until there is no chance I'll get them all done, so I get none of them done. For every small step up I take, I feel like I get thrown down a flight of a hundred stairs and have to start all over again. Maybe this is one of Dante's circles of hell.....

Never enough time: If only I could make a copy of myself - or several. One would sleep. One would go to work and knock out all these projects I can't seem to finish. One would work on the youth retreat plans and details - getting everything ready for this weekend. (That one would be seasonal.) One would be focused on Upward. (Another seasonal one.) One would be partying Thirty-one style with new friends and sharing the opportunity! One would probably be at home cleaning and getting the house into a manageable order - I mean picking out what I'm going to wear each day out of the pile of clean laundry on the couch is not how I envisioned I would be spending my 30's!! How many of me is that? And I still need a few more - one would spend time with Buddy (if he had an extra of himself that wasn't teaching, grading, coaching, sleeping) - we need some date nights/days/hours. One would make an effort to connect with friends that I've lost touch with. I mean, honestly, how does one person get it all done?!?!?

Never planned enough: And then there's the whole future issue - if I don't have time now to exercise or craft or read or do any of the other things I WANT to do, much less having time to do the things I NEED to do....how would I have ANY time to be a good mom (in addition to wife, friend, servant, coach, employee, etc)?? How will I be ready for any of that?? Can you be ready for any of that?

People say it's about time management and saying no.....neither one of which I'm great at. I like to know (or at least have a plan in place for) what's next......